My ego

“I assured everyone that chaos would ensue.”

My ego is bigger than the universe - or wants to be anyway. This means that anything I do or say will usually be an attempt to be ‘better than’. When I was drinking, I could not see this, but sobriety has brought me to a point where I can recognise my permanent attempts to push myself into the foreground. I have been sober a few 24 hours now and my home group (which I started along with a resentment and a kettle) decided to change the format. We had always been a literature-based meeting, first Big Book and then later 12x12, but the suggestion was now for a multiple format. Week one, Big Book; Week two, Daily Reflections; Week three 12x12 and Week four a speaker meeting.

I was of course against, as accepting change (especially to my original design) was not my forte. I pointed out that since we were generally unable to remember where we had stopped the previous week, it was unlikely that we could do it for a month. I assured everyone that chaos would ensue. The group voted and the new variable format was decided on. Not wanting to appear as a bleeding deacon, I decided to accept the group decision, at least outwardly, knowing at the same time that my worst fears would soon be confirmed.

Instead, it was a real success. We got around the memory difficulties by buying a small notebook and writing down where we had stopped reading each week. After six months, I stood up in the business meeting to admit that I had been absolutely wrong and that the group conscience had been correct. It has been a good few years now and we still use this format. I tell this story in the meeting every so often to remind myself that I am not all-knowing; am not always correct; and am usually ego-driven.

Anonymous