How It Really Was!

IN Step Eight I had written my three columns of those to whom I was willing to make amends (column one), those I wasn’t too sure about (column two) and those whom I definitely did not want to make amends to (column three). A couple of ex-boyfriends were scrubbed off the list as seeing them again might injure them or others due to being in new relationships or moved away. Then the people I had listed in column one, mostly close family members and a few close friends and with willingness and the God of my understanding in my sight I set to it. Husband first and he was very supportive and just asked me to stay sober… one day at a time.

Then, the first of my step-daughters, aged 25 years and boy, did this provide her with an opportunity to let ME know how my drinking had affected each and every member of the family. I was taken aback, but I listened and heard how I had stolen others’ peace of mind, disregarded their trust, made a career of dishonesty and blatant lies, embarrassed her and others at social gatherings, placed my granddaughter in danger (left a mug of wine behind the sofa) and regularly hurled verbal abuse. I was initially stunned into silence, but now working the Programme I listened, and listened intently. Some of the events I could hardly remember, but my step-daughter continued to enlighten me on every detail. Since getting sober in a treatment centre, I had started to realise that perhaps my drinking had affected others, but never to this extent!

This was the start of my journey on the road to humility, not thinking less of myself, but thinking of myself less and starting to think of others more. This takes a lot of practice for this alcoholic, but I am willing and I keep trying. Today, my relationship with my step-daughter has grown and she often says how proud she is of me and has been one of my best advocates of AA over the years.

Learning to listen continues to play an important part of my recovery. After my first thought, I pause and listen to God for my second thought and whether or not I need to say anything at all. I listen to my Higher Power through meditation, especially when I need direction to make decisions… the right answers come, always checking with my sponsor too who keeps me right-sized. Thank you, AA, for setting me free.

MICHELLE, Plymouth