Brightening An Afternoon
IN my experience, there are two ways of tackling Step Nine - well and badly. I’ve tried both, and I certainly do not recommend the ‘badly’ option. For a start, I was drunk.
Take 1 - Step Nine - drunk option
I came into AA because my wife was divorcing me. I was still drinking and, after a hazy meeting or three, I realised there were some scrolls hanging on the wall. The only word that registered was amends. I had no idea about stopping drinking, getting a sponsor, reading the Big Book and working through the Steps.
Suddenly, I recalled an awful memory when I reduced a poor hospital café assistant to tears because I complained loudly about what I thought was her poor service. Such was the viciousness of my tongue when I was drunk. I decided I had to make amends to this poor lady - completely ignoring my long-suffering wife, son, work colleagues and neighbours. So, I bought a box of chocolate mints, went to the hospital and checked that the lady concerned was still working in the café. She was and on duty, so I joined the queue. When it was my turn to be served, I blubbered some kind of nonsensical apology, and thrust the box of mints towards her. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head - she must have thought she was being accosted by the Stalker from Hell. I ran off, firmly believing I’d made a bad situation a whole lot worse, which I no doubt had.
Take 2 - Step Nine - suggested AA version
Eventually, I got sober - thankfully the compulsion to drink had gone. I read through the Big Book, got a sponsor and worked through the Steps - thoroughly and in the correct order.
When it came to Step Nine, I worked from my list compiled during my Eighth Step, in consultation with my sponsor. I paid close attention to the entire Step, especially “…except when to do so would injure them or others.” (BB p.59). I trod very carefully, and the first person I made direct amends to was my long-suffering former wife. She forgave me, and has never gone back on her word. Neither have I. No café assistant came to mind. However, nearly three years later I was a patient in the same hospital recovering from a mild heart attack. After a couple of weeks, I was allowed off the ward to visit the shop and café downstairs. I never forget faces, and I was surprised to see that the same staff member was still working there. I don’t think for a moment she recognised me. Several years had elapsed and I was a different person. I was kind, considerate and sober. I didn’t drink, one day at a time, wasn’t rude and didn’t shout at people.
Some afternoons, I’d pop down to the cafe and spend time with the lady as she cashed up or mopped the floor. We’d share a pot of tea and some cake, and laugh at the occasional joke or two. That was how I made my amends - hoping to brighten someone’s afternoon instead of reducing them to tears.
ANON