It Was Worth the Wait

It Was Worth the WaitAudio Version 30 years ago last summer I was suspended from my job and told to no longer come to the office. The company doctor referred me to a consultant psychiatrist at the alcohol unit of a local hospital. I told the doctor that I had ruined my recent wedding day and honeymoon, that I had just been suspended from my job, that I owed thousands of pounds to the bank and to numerous credit card companies and that I had been told by my doctor that I had an enlarged liver and an alcohol-induced heart condition (atrial fibrillation). I was 31 years old. The doctor replied that it was unfortunate that I was facing so many problems but asked whether I wanted to stop drinking. My reply was, "No - it is all that I had left!" I had always viewed alcohol as the solution to my problems. The only relief I knew from the fear and anxiety that I faced daily. Now I was being asked to consider alcohol as the problem rather than the solution. As I wasn't ready to accept the implications of treatment at the unit, i.e. stopping drinking, I left the hospital and continued to drink around the clock. In desperation, my wife had sought help through Al-Anon and found out at her Monday night meeting in Oxted about Al-Anon's 3Cs. These were, that she didn't cause my drinking, that she couldn't control it and that she couldn't cure it. She then attended some open AA meetings and was amazed to see happy, sober recovering alcoholics leading purposeful lives. She told me that there was an AA meeting in the same building at the hospital on a Monday evening and I got the impression that there was little choice - I had to give it a try! I felt before attending my first AA meeting that a lot of people were on my case. My boss, my wife, my mum, the bank manager, the credit card companies - everyone expressing their concern but seemingly no-one who really understood why I had to drink. At the meeting in Oxted that night I finally met people who had been there. It blew my mind! When asked if I would like a coffee, I refused - as I always did - fearing that my shaking hands would be noticed. I was asked to try half a cup and grip the cup tightly. Amazing - he knew what I was going through. For the next couple of weeks, I lived in the problem but knew that there was a solution. It certainly ruined my drinking. Although I continued to attend the Monday night meeting, where people were kind to me and tried their best to help, my drinking continued. I got closer to losing everything of any value in my life. My boss, who had little experience of problems with alcohol, visited me at my home and told me that the company was preparing to let me go. On Tuesday, 13th September 1988 I hit rock bottom. I wrote out one of the last cheques in my cheque book at my local off license where I bought two bottles of vodka and eight cans of strong lager. I also bought a family sized pork pie - the only thing that I could manage to eat. Arriving home in my car I fell out the car door into the road and heard the glass smash. As I lay on the road outside my house - at 09.30 on a Tuesday morning, covered in vodka and with my new wife at work - a neighbour looked down on me in disgust. I was beaten. This time I was willing to do anything and entered the hospital that afternoon. It soon became apparent that my former 'friends' at my local pub were not in a hurry to visit me but that people I had only just met at the AA meeting at Oxted were delighted to visit and to encourage me as I strived to rebuild my life in sobriety. I found in AA a new and wonderful way of living and the opportunity through AAâ??s recovery Programme and service structure to develop a faith in a Higher Power and to gain much needed confidence. Miraculously, I held onto my marriage and my job and I have found true happiness and contentment in my life of sobriety. On Monday, 16th July 2018 my wife and I celebrated 30 years of marriage. We were joined in a lovely local restaurant by our son and our daughter, aged 29 and 27 respectively. They are our 'AA babies' who have never seen me drink. At around the same time I received an unexpected telephone call from my former boss who, 30 years ago last summer, had to explain to me, that this was my final warning and that any return to drinking would result in instant dismissal from my job. Being an Italian, his call last summer was to tell me that he wanted to apply for British citizenship. The reason for the call was to ask me if I would consider giving him a reference! I don't think he understood why I was so grateful to be asked, but I was overcome with emotion. My understanding of Step Nine suddenly reached a new dimension. It wasn't just about making amends and apologizing for the damage I had caused during my drinking or even the demonstration of how much I had changed by leading a purposeful and sober life. It was about being viewed by another person in society as someone who could be trusted to carry out a hugely important task. A task that would enhance his future security and that of his family. I was delighted to provide the Home Office with a glowing reference and he has now been accepted as a British citizen. For me this has been the most wonderful Step Nine experience - and well worth the wait! BOB S, Guildford