Learning acceptance

MY name is Roger and I am an alcoholic. I was born to a loving family who tried to help me at every stage - sometimes I felt overprotected. The first time I got drunk was in 1985 which seemed to turn on a switch, giving me confidence and the ability to talk to other people (a delusion which stayed with me for many years). It didn’t take long for my alcoholism to deliver its negative side, turning me into an opinionated and obnoxious person who was unable to love or accept love. I clearly remember, at the age of 19, I recognised that I had a problem with alcohol and the thought went through my head that I was going to have to do something about it - but with a shrug of my shoulders I ignored that warning. 

My life followed the inevitable downward path involving becoming a father (for which I was emotionally, practically and spiritually ill equipped) and a husband who could not commit to a relationship, so it didn’t last long. I split up from my wife as I believed I had met the woman of my dreams so that involved divorce, and a few years later married again which seemed to be a success on the surface. Still no thought of stopping drinking and life started to go downhill once again. I became more and more depressed and felt useless and incapable of living a good life. There came a point when I recognised that I was losing my mind and recognised that I was an alcoholic - nobody drinks like I did unless they are an alcoholic. However once again I shoved the thought to the back of my mind. A few months later I hit the point where I couldn’t stand myself any longer and I was a candidate for a mental institution. Most of my life had been driven by fear but this time I was terrified of what I was becoming and went to my doctor who thank goodness suggested I contacted AA. Fortunately, I did. 

From my first contact with AA, I knew I had found the solution to my problem - it all made sense. I was told I was suffering from an illness - mental, physical and spiritual. I joined a group very quickly and committed myself to the AA Programme. Soon afterwards I asked a member to sponsor me who gave a lot of his time helping me on my journey of recovery. I was also taught the value of service - to in some measure pay back what had been freely given to me. Service in AA at first seemed very daunting, particularly as I recognised how mentally ill I was and that I couldn’t trust my own thinking so I had better trust someone else’s. 

My second wife and I divorced three years into sobriety as we could both see we were on different paths. I am now married for the fourth time and we have a loving, caring relationship with each other. That adventure into trusting other people did not come easily but it was only by taking the risk that I have recovered. Through service, I have learned how to relate positively with other people and learned an enormous amount about myself, enabling me to become the person that I am today. Life is good these days despite some difficulty with my physical condition but learning acceptance through AA has helped me to live with it. I will have 36 years continuous sobriety in August 2021 thanks to AA, and its members in service without whom the heartbeat of AA would cease to exist. 

ROGER, York