Finally Acceptance

FINALLY, I got it – acceptance. I congratulate the speech on recovery from addiction, made in Parliament recently.  It was very moving and from the heart. Many of us have our own reasons for not wanting to or to tell colleagues, friends or family we are alcoholics. The old-fashioned stigma is still hanging around and some of us fear repercussions if people find out. I work in the NHS but had I not sought help I would not be here today.  In 2018 I was suspended pending an investigation.  I did everything within my power to return to work.  I entered rehab, attended courses provided by my Mental Health Trust, together with counselling. It paid off and the suspension was lifted. Unfortunately, although I returned to work, I thought I was cured after three months, ‘the pink, fluffy cloud syndrome’.  My ex-partner called me a saint and I thought I could help every alcoholic. In the last eight months I have totally ‘got it’ and accepted who and what I am.

Since I came into the Rooms the journey has had its ups and downs but I have finally accepted I am an alcoholic and there cannot be that ‘first drink’ for me. I feel and have been told I am different. My life has a new perspective. I’m stepping back and letting others take the lead, learning to say no (instead of yes) when realising the task was too great and being filled with anxiety and fear that I would fail. My relationships with family and friends could not be better. Sharing at Fellowship meetings is coming from my heart and soul, not false as it had been on occasions in the past. I’ve watched the transformation of members from tormented souls to being calm, their whole persona changing, nothing short of miracles happens within the Rooms.  

One such person was a Fellow in his early twenties who came straight to a meeting when he was discharged from hospital. He had no job, was homeless and beaten. Since the day he came into the Rooms he has not picked up.  He has his two young children back in his life, been offered a place in university, found a home and a job where he has recently been offered promotion. The Programme works if you work it, it doesn't if you don't! Little does he know how much he has inspired me on my journey to honesty and acceptance in recovery. We never know when we share how it can help others in the Rooms. Another Fellow slipped and came back - she told me recently it was because of me she came back.  I felt so humble and free that I am now honest in my share. Acceptance is so important to me now. I recently shared at a meeting and although I have shared in the past someone in the Room said they had heard me before but I mentioned different things. For me that is my progress in recovery where each day I am accepting and remembering, with a clear head, events of the past - some painful to remember but sharing may help others.

Professionals in many fields have tried and are still trying to help people like us with this addiction. The biggest help I have had is talking to other alcoholics in the Fellowship. If the professionals with qualifications want to help then they could include alcoholics in recovery on their teams.  Anyone who wants to get sober will listen and it could be a start of a new journey in their lives. I was really interested to hear in that recent Parliamentary speech that the MP hopes to encourage more treatments for this addiction. I agree with him more needs to be done especially with the young.  I have introduced myself to the new Alcohol Unit Team here at my hospital in the hope that if any other colleagues/patients are struggling with being an alcoholic in recovery, I might be of some help. The Big Book mentions various treatments, indeed Bob himself tried some of them but they didn't work. It took two alcoholics helping each other to help like-minded people. More needs to be addressed with the younger generation of the pitfalls of alcohol and the allergic reaction it can have with some people. Personally, I think in this day and age we need to do more to take away the stigma of addiction. We all know of a variety of celebrities who are in recovery - more public figures could also make a difference in removing the stigma.

CAROL, Sunderland