I'm The Author

AS I was the author of my searching and fearless moral inventory in Step Four, so I am the author of my personal inventory in Step Ten. What was evident in my Step Four was that there was nothing in it that I could deny or argue with because it was me who had written it. I was the author. It wasn't a social enquiry report or a psychiatric report that had been written about me and which I could find fault with, accusing others of misinterpreting what I had said. No, the three columns system brought me face to face with the only person who was responsible for messing my life up and that person was ME.

My personal inventory is the broom that keeps my house clean. Over time I learned the benefits of spot-check inventories as I go about my everyday life. They usually take the form of telling myself to shut-up when someone gets in my way when I am out shopping and I find myself starting to take their inventory. It's obvious to me that such people don't realise that I'm a very important alcoholic who mustn't be inconvenienced!

I became aware quite some time ago that I'm at my best when I am having breakfast, showering, dressing etc. but something seems to occur within me when I step outside of my home - because people seem to be waiting for me just so they can ruin my day! Of course, the reality is that I have absolutely no evidence whatsoever to prove my claim because no one is out to ruin my day, only I can do that. So, as I go through my day, I am able to correct my negative thinking by taking spot-check inventories. The root cause of my negative thinking is always that old 'number one offender’ - resentment. It still hasn't been removed but as my first sponsor used to say, "It will be removed when you stop practising it."

For me, it's still the three columns for my daily reviews and I also use three columns for my gratitude list - I'm grateful for... The cause... How it makes me feel. It's accepting people as they are, instead of how I think they should be, that I continue to work on. I’m okay with places and things so I have made progress.

KEVIN R