Keeping in Fit Spiritual Condition

Audio Version 

My name's Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. By the grace of something I call God and with the help of the Twelve Steps of AA and the Fellowship I've been sober for just over five years. For that I'm extremely grateful. I love Step Ten, it has changed my life. I mean, all the Steps have. But this one in particular allows me so much room to grow. The instructions on page 84 of our Big Book are so clear but also so kind. They know I'm human, and alcoholic, so this Step has been designed for the, 'new mistakes' I am going to make as I go along.

Step Four taught me what my life looks like when it is run on self-centered fear, Step Five allowed me the opportunity to humble myself and I received empathy from another alcoholic and my Higher Power. Step Six prepares me for Step Seven. Am I really willing to let go of a survival technique that almost works, and can I be open minded enough to trust that my Higher Power will provide me with a more than sufficient substitute?  Step Seven is a daily active Step, awareness, prayer, acting as if. Step Eight prepares me for Step Nine. Then I'm ready to live life.

I find there is no consistent or useful Step Eleven or Step Twelve without Step Ten. I need to vigorously commence this way of living. "We have entered the world of the Spirit." (BB p.84) suggests we've perhaps left the world of the material. Any time I'm obsessing about material things rather than spiritual principles I'm quite quickly in pain. This really is an inside job. I believe my God wants me to be happy and useful, and I find I'm happier and more useful when I focus on my internal condition (by working the Steps) and leave the external conditions alone. Growing in understanding and effectiveness is my new function. What old ideas can I let go of so I'm a clear channel for my God's love? I'm so grateful they're clear that this is not an overnight matter, that one day at a time it should continue for our lifetime. I can be so impatient with myself, especially when I feel unsafe, and that stops me from growing.

I'm going to make mistakes, it's what I do about it that matters.  As soon as I notice I'm in fear or resentment or I'm being selfish or dishonest I need to at once ask my God to remove it. Immediately make amends and share with a Fellow AA. They're very clear on when I should practice Step Ten - now! Not later, not let the problem grow and fester but instantly turn to my God, to love, to light. Then it's suggested I turn my thoughts to others. That last bit is really important. After years of practicing this daily spot check inventory I find I'm now, thank God, quite quick at spotting it and sharing it. I have two 'Step Ten buddies' in the Programme that I share my spot check inventory with. We don't really chit-chat, we get straight to the point, share honestly, and are open to each other's feedback. We don't try to fix each other's problems, we simply share our experience, strength and hope if we have any that's relevant, or we point them in the direction of someone we think might. We remind each other of the kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet, and then leave each other to pick them up. I'm not responsible for anyone else's recovery, just my own. I'm grateful for their blunt and honest feedback and reminders of the tools of recovery.

Years of practicing Step Ten has taught me the importance of speed here, I don't let things grow like mold in my head, it's not worth the emotional pain or chance of causing others harm. But after spotting if it's fear, resentment, selfishness or dishonesty and praying, sharing and making amends - sometimes I then like to admire my own work. Ha-ha! I will sometimes enjoy replaying it all and thinking about myself. The Big Book is very clear, "Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help." (BB p.84) Being of service to others relieves me of the bondage of self and suddenly I'm present and loving. Practicing love and tolerance of others as a code, one day at a time, is a much nicer way to live than trying to get them to change so I feel better. And as a bi-product I become more loving and tolerant of myself, so the inside of my head is less like a warzone and more like how my God intended. I'm so grateful for Step Ten. Yes, it is work, but the result is the Step Ten promises, "We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality- safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition." (BB p.85)

Before AA I could stop drinking but I couldn't stay stopped because I obsessively thought about drinking. Step Ten gives me freedom from thinking about drinking, a miraculous gift I enjoy so long as I keep in fit spiritual condition.

CHARLIE