Is it Intergroup ... or Is it Me ?

I have heard it said many times, often in a sneering way, "Intergroup! All they do is argue and debate the same thing over and over." A recent experience of mine began by volunteering at intergroup to join a small team of five people. The team was tasked with a small project which was also time conscious. We met for the first time, almost from the start it was clear, there were strong and differing opinions around the table. Gosh! This could be tricky I thought. Right from the outset I felt on the back foot, defending my position. At times I felt intimidated by the fast unrelenting pace of the speech of one of my Fellows at the table. Not only the person's manor, but also being very knowledgeable around the subject. I was overcome with fear, worried I was not good enough for what now seemed quite a challenge. I dug deep and thought what might another person do in these circumstances? What tools do I have? Pause for a moment, take a breath, my sponsor had told me to squeeze God's hand and take him with me. After a while I thought to try and steer the conversation to a less controversial area to try and see what we could agree on. That seemed to work, for when the session ended that evening we had found common ground. The area of disagreement still remained, but for now we had achieved something and went home amicably, no dramas.

Some days later we met to continue where we had left off, and the tricky stuff was at the fore again from the word go. We disagreed and positions seemed entrenched. The fear returned to me in a flash, my friend sitting opposite me looked for a moment as if he was going to get up and go. Don't do that I thought, that would be awful, the group would have failed. Within a Nano second that had changed completely to me thinking, "F" this, I will leave. NO STOP! I thought, that would be old behaviour, how many times in the past have I pressed the "F it" button with relish, only to regret it moments later. We all stayed and the evening continued with conversation and debate, sometimes wildly off the point. Off the point or not, donâ??t knock it I thought, we were all chatting and in agreement, not too bad then! By the end of that second 90-minute session we had broadly agreed a way forward. I felt emotionally drained, metaphorically speaking, I felt somewhat battered by the experience. We left as friends, no bad blood between us, and a job well done. I was shattered.

I have thought much on this since. I have thought on what I have heard said about intergroup on those less than appealing terms. I have thought on my Fellows around the table. People are entitled to have views, opinions, thoughts that differ to mine. They are allowed to express themselves as they wish. And thankfully people are not all like me. What matters is how I respond to the situation I find myself in. what I say and do will make the difference to my life on a moment by moment basis, a daily, weekly or yearly basis. Of course I have heard this over and over in AA as I have travelled this road.

So the problem is not intergroup, the problem is not others, the problem is me. And if I respond to situations that confront me in an adult way (not throwing the rattle out of the pram, not pressing the button) accepting people and their views with due respect, maybe there is no problem at all. I think our group can be proud of the work we have done. I also believe I can allow myself a little credit for not giving in to me fear and lack of self-esteem.

Doing service in AA has thrown many benefits my way and yet again I have benefitted. Growth comes when I step outside my comfort zone and stay the course

With love and gratitude to you all

ANDY C.