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Sought through prayer and meditation

I AM an atheist, as are many in the Rooms. Yet still I believe myself to be a spiritual being with trust in my Higher Power to guide and strengthen me.

I AM an atheist, as are many in the Rooms. Yet still I believe myself to be a spiritual being with trust in my Higher Power to guide and strengthen me. I do not need to define what ‘Higher Power’ means for me, and my relationship with that force changes as I grow within the AA Programme. Certainly, a lot of it is a desire to live in a way that my friends in the Rooms would agree with and in a way which would make those I’ve lost in my life proud. I don’t need to believe in what others may call God or in another person’s set religion - although of course I have no issue with those who do. Our Higher Power is different for each of us. ‘God’ can be an acronym such as ‘Good Orderly Direction’. As long as I am trying my best to follow a good orderly direction, then I am following ‘GOD’.

I never really got the hang of meditation, despite years of trying. When I got to this Step, I thought that was it - no chance of getting much further. I understood the concept of praying to my Higher Power but I never had the patience to sit and meditate. Then someone explained to me that sitting in a meeting and listening is meditation of a sort. Taking a few minutes in the morning to ask my Higher Power for another day of sobriety is meditation, as is giving thanks at night. Just taking a brief bit of time out to focus on my Programme is as much meditation as I need. As long as I am trying to make the effort to turn my will over, to not take control and run things ‘my way’, then I am building that connection with my Higher Power just as this Step says. In a way I have been practicing this Step all along almost without realising it!

This new understanding has helped me in so many ways. Not just for working on this Step but also in the realisation that, thanks to the Programme, I am more capable than I thought. I now have a bit more clarity and self-awareness, a newfound ability to be somewhat calmer and more rational in ways I never thought would be possible for me. And, like so many other things I have learned, it is all thanks to this amazing Programme and all the wonderful people in it who have helped and continue to help me, day in and day out. I still don’t believe in other, more traditional ideas of a God but I most certainly am thankful every single day to my Higher Power and to everyone in the Programme for all the help I have got and continue to receive. Thank you for keeping me sober.

ROBBIE H, Northampton