An Ongoing Daily Practice
JUST for today, I have recently reached the ‘maintenance’ Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve. It has really shown me how the Steps are a foundation and an ongoing daily practice.
In my drinking, I wouldn’t and couldn’t ask for help. I could lazily bark orders at someone to have things my way. Yet the truth of how I felt, how overwhelmed with the idea of life I was, the misery and the struggle in accepting that I couldn’t drink were not on the table for discussion. Steps One through Nine make me face my condition, myself, break things down, strip away the non-essentials, change me, give me an undeniable spiritual experience and reconnect me with the world. If you’ve not tried them yet, they are everything I didn’t know I was looking for in the drink and I don’t need to flee anymore, I get to live! Intellectually, I understand that Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve will allow me to face life on life’s terms, continue to grow spiritually and be of service. What they also are doing so far is remind me that I’m not fixed, that I need to grow spiritually to overcome resentment, fear and doubt and the main source of connection is through service to others in AA and in all my affairs. Sounds really complicated but I’m assured it isn’t.
The starting point, as always, has been to ask for help. On a recent call to a Fellow who is helping me all the way from LA, I surrendered and said, “How do you do Step Eleven?”. He gave a few examples of how I was doing it through gratitude lists and readings but suggested using the ‘Just for Today’ card. Something like this - read the ‘Just for Today’ card and meditate on what you are fretting about for the day. Write out a few pre-emptive Step Tens and try to consider how you can apply ONE of them in your day. NB: don’t expect perfection, just ask God to help you do it better.
This year, whilst on holiday, was a prime opportunity to try this. The person I was with wanted to go on a day trip, to a certain place at a certain time. They will want to talk about buying a bigger house or booking another holiday. I can write an inventory about how I don’t want to go then because I’m so important and I know best and about how I think we shouldn’t be pinning our happiness on property or having enough money to go on another holiday but instead we should be enjoying the one we were on. Just for today I will be agreeable and criticize not one bit. So instead of telling them what we will do and why, I’ll either try their way and nine times out of ten enjoy a new experience, or politely ask for a compromise. Whilst we are in the car instead of lecturing from a spiritual high ground [insert laugh here], I will smile and pray about the property comments and engage in conversations about the culture and the people in different countries. Instead of arguing, we connect and laugh! This isn’t to say that it always works out perfectly, and definitely doesn’t mean I don’t get annoyed. However, when I take these spiritual actions, my Higher Power allows me a chance to be a little bit more like the person I want to be, one day at a time.
ANONYMOUS