Do I want to stop?

I wasn’t sure if I had this ‘desire’ but someone once told me that God always knows.  I didn’t have to say I wanted what you had or act as if I might.  But if the desire was in my heart, even unknown to me, that was enough.  That was just about the size of it when I came to AA.  I was confused and wasn’t sure I wanted what you had despite it being so very attractive.  I was tired to death of my life…and too chicken to do myself in.

What I was given that night was a chance: a chance to change, to be different and to stop the hurt and destruction.  No one told me what to do or asked me to sign my dwindling wealth away.  No one pointed at me and called me an alcoholic.  No one was pushy, telling me I MUST get a sponsor asap. No one tried to get me to buy anything or insisted I give them my phone number. Not one obstacle was raised.

I was simply made welcome.  Some smiled at me.  A few people said, “Keep coming back.”  Someone gently took my hand and told me I didn’t have to do or say anything to anyone - if I didn’t want to.

For once, I made the right decision.  I did keep coming back.  I found people like me, who shared so honestly it took my breath away.  They shared their stories and I found myself in them. I learned about alcoholism.  I was told it was a disease, an illness - not a moral weakness.  I finally recognised that I belonged in AA.  As one old-timer used to say, “I found my tribe.”

That was some time ago.  Each day I try to live the best life the Steps give me.  Studying the Traditions has deepened and broadened my life, too.  Both have helped me to become a better member of our Fellowship, from within (it being an inside job).  
I cannot measure what is in the heart of another but I can have compassion.  I can ensure there are no barriers or ‘reasons’ for the newcomer to stay away.  I can make certain it’s the message in the Big Book and in other Conference Approved Literature (CAL) that is carried.  I can be there to be the best example I can be.  I can be friendly and encouraging when someone decides, “Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing." (BB p.29)                            

HELEN S