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STEP THREE - Getting
off the fence
I do remember with Step Three making a decision that I wanted what other people had but became very stuck at actually letting any Higher Power in. I had been willing and honest for some time but got firmly stuck on the fence with being fully open minded.
I had to put all my trust into someone else first which in my case were others who had had some sort of “experience”. I had to believe they were right and I was maybe a little wrong to be holding back. I had to accept help and open my mind. A complete leap of faith. Like getting out of the driver’s seat of a fast car and letting someone else take the controls as it was later explained to me. Like getting in a pool and pushing off to the deep end for the first time with someone there to keep you afloat. Like getting off a fence but not knowing quite what’s on the other side but believing you won’t be alone, someone good will be there.
I experienced a sharp moment of clarity at some point after making a decision to go through the door instead of slamming it shut again, and again. No more procrastinating. I think this is where I got to understand, when looking back, that the steps are simple but tough. This was personally my toughest part along with fully accepting Step One. The feeling was so intense and real that my faith since then has never wavered, although I have had all the emotional upsets of any other person living life in the real world. I feel it impossible to question the presence of a Higher Power in my life after this fundamental shift in psyche as it is explained, because it was so real and I have heard so many people in the rooms describe the same thing. It isn’t just words in a book that we have to believe. I came to believe at the same time. I always see my Step Three and Step Two as a joint miracle. It works for me, recovery is a personal journey. I always feel that my solid foundation is my strength. The first three Steps have kept me grounded for quite some years now. If you build a strong foundation, do it properly the building will not crumble, or if necessary be simple to fix.
I felt as though all the noise in my head had stopped. I could now clear up the wreckage of my past but not have to do it alone. Much easier. And I would be given a new slate. I never struggle with my faith in a Higher Power but I do feel lucky. Lucky that someone found a chink in the wall around me to start chipping away and to set me free.
Newcastle upon Tyne