STEP SIX - I NEARLY GAVE UP
The first sentence in the precis of Step Six in the 12 x 12 (p6) very nearly made me give up my attempt to come to terms with my character defects - 'Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character".
I didn't have a regular daily discipline for starting my day. Perhaps in the process of physically getting ready for what the day has to offer, maybe a thank you for yesterday and a hope that I won't take a drink today. That seemed sufficient, no need to overdo things, no defects so far as I was concerned. Just need to remember that it is the first drink that does the damage.'
"To have God" - that jolted me. I suddenly realised that for a very long time, and that included time in the Fellowship, I had been my own judge and jury. In other words, I was God! I was amazed at how much arrogance I had managed to hide from myself.
I had to start looking at my life since becoming a member of this Fellowship. I began to realise why I rarely used the word 'sober' when sharing. Since I was sober, free from alcohol, but what about some of my actions? Things needed sorting out.
This had now become a difficult Step. I have, as far as I can remember had a belief in God who is my Higher Power. Wasn't he sorting out my defects, telling me what was right or wrong?