Putting Aside My Ego

I DRANK for 25 years before coming into the Rooms. And for just about all of that I simply refused to accept that I had a problem or was not able to cope. No matter the evidence, the pieces of my life falling around me, I just could not bring myself to accept that I was the architect of most of my woes. I never thought of myself as arrogant or egotistical - if anything I was far too quick to put myself down, too shy, introverted and lacking in self-confidence. But that strange insidious insanity of alcoholism took hold, that crazy duality where I both told myself how awful and useless I was, whilst at the same time refusing to acknowledge any of my flaws or failings.

When I first started going through the Steps, I clung onto the first one hard. I KNEW I needed to change. I knew how broken I was by drink. So, I threw myself into my new work enthusiastically. But it was hard, very hard, to put aside my ego and accept that I needed help, that I am not capable of managing my own life unaided. Sometimes it still is hard to humble myself in such a way. But when I remember the depths I sank to, the lows drink brought me, it’s easier to focus on how much I need help daily. 

Focusing on how unmanageable my life has been helps me each day to ask my Higher Power for the strength for another day of sobriety. Thank you to all in the Programme for keeping me sober.

ROBBIE