A Bit Of A Problem?

MY admission of my powerlessness over alcohol began when, after coming to my senses from a three-day bender, and realising I was in the familiar physical and mental mess, I decided to ring AA. I had seen frequently an advertisement for AA which was a small advert in the local paper – as best as I remember it read, “Drinking Problem? AA can Help”. I will be forever grateful to that advert and the people who kept running it. I am also grateful that I did not mention the then dreaded ‘alcoholic’ word as I do not think I would have associated myself with something I considered such a stigma.

After ringing the Helpline, I was contacted by an AA member who arranged to meet me at a local meeting. At that meeting the discovery of my powerlessness began to become clearer. I had gone to the meeting thinking I had ‘a bit of a problem’ and with a bit of good advice and help I would soon be back out enjoying a social drink or two and not getting into the horrendous situations that were resulting from my drinking. At that meeting people shared their experience, strength and hope, and although I considered them all to be far worse drunks than me, I got the idea that the only way I would escape the consequences of my drinking was not to drink. When they spoke of ‘the first drink doing the damage’ and ‘one is too many and one hundred not enough’ I identified. In my pub-drinking days this had been called ‘Getting the Taste’. In South Manchester we are blessed with dozens of meetings and over the next few months I attended between six and eight meetings a week. Over this period, I learned more of my powerlessness, it was a case of pushing the time the problem started further and further back.

At first, I thought my problem had only been for a couple of years, then as I looked back over 20 years of lost jobs, rotted mattresses, ruined relationships, spoilt friendships, bad health and shattered self-respect I realised I had been powerless from my first drink. At this time, I thought the unmanageability in Step One referred to the state of my life as a drunk. It was only when I got someone to show me the Programme that I heard it was unmanageability - drunk or sober. I did not really accept this at the time as I had been on several management courses and most of my job titles included the word ‘manager’.

The unmanageability of my life has been revealed over the years of continuing to practise the Programme and live life on life’s terms. Finding AA and being part of this Fellowship has enriched my life beyond anything I could have imagined (hallucinated) whilst drinking – “…rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.” (BB p.25). By the grace of God, I am what I am.

PETER