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Does it Need to be Said ?

Does it Need to be Said ... ?


Audio Version



DAA has not only given me a toolbox of spiritual tools. It's given me a gearbox - with which to engage my brain before I speak.

One saying among many has been important throughout my sobriety: "Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Does it need to be said by me?"

It helped me in my early days to keep my mouth shut. That way, I'd avoid the hasty, quick-tongued reply. As I went through the Steps with my sponsor, I learned about restraint of tongue and pen. Today that can be also be taken to mean 'restraint of click and send'. Avoiding a hasty response - or indeed any response - to the email that's just pinged into my inbox.

If someone said something with the potential to upset me, I remembered: "Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Does it need to be said by me?"

I'd seek guidance - from my Higher Power, sponsor and those around me. Invariably, I'd be reassured. People could say things to me that they previously would have avoided saying because they feared an explosive reaction on my part.

If something needs a response and I'm uncertain what to say, I say a quick prayer: "Please help me!" The right answers come - sometimes surprisingly. Was it me who just said that?

With my AA gearbox, I can engage my brain to select the right gear before speaking. I can either stay parked in neutral, or edge out slowly. In the old days, I would have slammed my foot to the floor and go from zero to 100mph in six seconds.

I can use this resource several times each day. Is my opinion important? Is anyone else interested? For that matter, am I correct in what I am about to say? If I listened, I might get the correct facts and find that my thinking was wrong in any case.

This leads me to suggest that listening rather than speaking might aid humility. Which reminds me of a friend who was asked to do a chair at a meeting on 'Humility', He was disappointed that only seven people turned up.

"Does it need to be said? Does it need to said right now? Does it need to be said by me?"

JEFF B, Warwickshire