A clean slate

Having gained an amazing freedom from making amends in Step Nine, clearing away the wreckage of my past, I now embraced my new found life with a clean slate. Remembering the words of the treatment centre the first half of the first Step is about alcohol, the remaining eleven and a half Steps are about change. I now needed to watch myself like a hawk and see my thoughts and behaviours. The Big Book provides guidance to watch out for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear and to make amends as soon as possible; keeping my side of the street clean.

Today, daily writing allows me to check in with how I’m feeling, review my day and ask God to show me the right way. Practice, practice, practice and over time much has changed. In times of difficulty (especially at work) I ask for help; this from someone who would never admit I needed help let alone ask for it. Secondly, I readily admit when I’m wrong if I have made a mistake (often at work); in my drinking days I would have defended my words/ behaviours to the end even if deep down I knew they were wrong. Finally, today I know that if I am disturbed, I need to look at me, challenge and change my perspective and walk in another’s shoes, plus check my thinking with a sponsor who will always shine a light, give a dose of humility and allow me to become right sized, no better or worse than anyone. The freedom, peace and love continues. 

MICHELLE, Plymouth