Hints and Tips for a Sober Festive

Audio Version 

Christmas of 2014 saw me waking up in a wet bed with the DT's, searching frantically for the bottle I'd hidden from my family, and resenting the fact that we had family visiting who I would have to entertain. I was 23 years old. My mum came up to my bedroom that morning to see if I could eat anything, and to beg me not to drink today.

A year later and my first Christmas in sobriety was a very tense time. I had completed six months in a treatment centre where I was first introduced to AA. I had continued to attend AA meetings after I left, but I didn't have a Programme or a sponsor and so I was suffering with the spiritual malady although I didn't understand this at the time. I went home for Christmas to my parents' house and I honestly expected everyone to be really happy and for everything to be great because I was sober now. I failed to recognise that I'd caused a great deal of harm to my family in my drinking which I hadn't made any amends for. I clashed a lot with my family members over the few days I was home. They weren't behaving how I expected them to, they weren't validating me for my sobriety, and they were acting a little anxious around me. There was no alcohol in the house and my family didn't drink around me and I believed that I was holding them all back from enjoying themselves. My reality was that I still wanted to run the show and arrange everyone to suit me. I hadn't had a spiritual experience through working the Twelve Steps of AA and so I would say it was a 'white knuckle' Christmas for me which I wouldn't recommend to anyone.

Shortly after this I did thankfully get myself a sponsor and we began to work through the Twelve Step Programme using the Big Book. Through this process I had an opportunity to study my resentments, and harms to others and eventually became willing to make amends to all. The next year when I went home for Christmas I had much more structure. I woke up in the mornings and said my prayers, did my readings and spent time in meditation. Christmas is often a time when all routine falls by the wayside and I have found it especially important for me to stay in routine with my spiritual practice. I even try to keep to my usual bedtimes and wake up alarms when I've got time off work because it helps for me to have structure. Having had an opportunity to make direct amends to my family members I found that my relationships were healing when I went home for my second Christmas in recovery. Although I still found myself angry or fearful at times, I was able to send inventory to my sponsor as soon as these things came up. I apologised if I needed to and I turned my attention to helping others.

None of my family are big drinkers, but this second Christmas my mum felt able to approach me and ask how I felt about other people drinking a glass of wine with dinner. Every recovering alcoholic has their own experience with being around others drinking, and my experience is that I am comfortable at a sit-down meal with family when others have a drink. I communicated this and brought along my favourite soft drink for the day. I knew I had friends in Fellowship at the end of the phone if I felt uncomfortable, and that I could remove myself from the room and go outside for some air.

I have found that making myself useful helps when all else fails, and there is plenty to help with over the Christmas period be it in Fellowship, in the community, or at home. I continue to attend my meetings or visit meetings near to my parents' house. I use the telephone to keep in regular contact with other alcoholics, both to share how I'm feeling and to check-in with how they are. I've recently started to volunteer over the Christmas period, giving back to the local community and have found this not only keeps me occupied with my mind away from alcohol and or selfish things, but gives me a real feeling that I am making a difference. On Christmas day I volunteer myself for cooking, washing up, wrapping gifts and generally being useful to my family.

I avoid going out to pubs or bars over Christmas unless I have good reason to be there e.g. for a meal with friends or colleagues. I do have friends who go out drinking for Christmas and New Year's Eve but I prefer not to join them in this. Instead I will organise other fun activities such as walking, visiting Christmas markets, making decorations, watching Christmas films, and baking.

When I first put down alcohol I truly believed that events like Christmas and New Year would be boring and that I wouldn't be able to socialise or feel 'part of' the festivities. My experience is the complete opposite of this. I have experienced the joy of walking in the fresh snow, noticing the beautiful lights and decorations, laughing with my family as we share a joke and tasting all the flavours of Christmas dinner. I could not ask for more than these priceless gifts of recovery.

JESS