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Alcoholics Anonymous
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and English Speaking Continental Europe
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Step Eight - Became Willing

“WE have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subject ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.” (BB p.76).

I know I was made ‘persona non grata’ by my family for many years regarding my drinking. I cannot remember why or when this happened as alcohol damaged my memory as well as choosing not to remember, of course! I worked away from home for a few years, and as my drinking became worse so did my Jekyll and Hyde personality when in my cups. I became verbally abusive and a couple of times physically threatening. When next I saw these people and tried to make amends, I couldn’t understand why I was told they, “Never wanted to speak to me again!” I offered the time old excuse, “Didn’t they know I was drunk and didn’t mean it?!” The reply was, “Oh yes you did!!” The fact I couldn’t remember what I said didn’t help. Sometime after this I returned to my home town to care for my alcoholic mother who eventually died from this dreadful disease.

The day dawned on me that I had had enough of drinking, as the phrase goes - I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! From the moment I rang the AA helpline, my life was to change.

Walking into my first AA meeting I knew I was home. I learnt to surrender as I ‘kept coming back’ to a Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. My family, which was my brother, sister-in-law and now adult nephew and niece, gradually accepted me back into the fold, which I amgrateful for.

When my sponsor took me through Steps Eight and Nine, I honestly said the people I should make amends to lived so far away I had no way of contacting them or even if they were still alive as it was many years ago. My sponsor asked me, if I had the opportunity to do so, would I be willing? My answer was, “Yes”, and she said that has to be enough. A few years later my brother sadly died. By now my family knew I was in the Fellowship and remaining sober. I read the eulogy at my brother’s funeral which the family wanted me to do. At the wake, my nephew and niece put their arms around me and said, “We are so proud of you, you have done so well.”

Those words are priceless and brought tears to my eyes. It’s all thanks to my kind, gentle, loyal sponsor whom I am proud to call my friend. I am now 18 years and 8 months sober. Without doubt, AA - with help from my sponsor, other members, the Twelve Steps and my Higher Power - has undoubtedly saved my life and I am eternally grateful, so I will keep coming back.

SUE W, Bournemouth.