HALT

I regularly remind myself of those circumstances that place me at risk of lifting a drink - Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired, HALT for short. Of these, I’m aware that tiredness is the one that makes me more vulnerable than the others. I eat frequently so no problem there. The 12 Step Programme and the Fellowship of others has helped me dissipate any anger that impinges on my emotional sobriety. With regard to loneliness, I’m happy in my own company, I’m in a good supportive community and have a strong and loving relationship. It’s when I’m tired though, that I get girnie and irritable, sarcastic and picky. If this were to result in a resentment then I’m at risk of taking a drink in complete disregard of the consequences. I have to get to my bed, politely taking my leave of whatever company I’m in, say good-night and off to bed.

One would think that so long as I avoid HALT then I’m safe. If only this were true, but remember, ‘we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful...and patient.’ It only struck me recently when I was reflecting on my last and hopefully final relapse, that I’m perhaps at my most vulnerable when those 4 states are absent.

After a year or two of sobriety, I took my elderly and non-alcoholic father to his local for his weekly pint. In the quiet, relaxed and convivial atmosphere he had his pint and we enjoyed each other’s company. I became complacent and unthinking, joining him when I got his second pint - and one for myself. That’s how my final bender started and I must not, nor will not, ever forget that. I must be vigilant that my disease, my alcoholism, is patiently waiting for the time I least expect it. Not just when I’m hungry, angry, lonely or tired but more so when I’m relaxed and comfortable, when my guard is down and I become complacent.

By attending regular meetings I maintain my guard and the defence against lifting that first drink.

Bless you all.

Anon