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Getting Sober at a Young Age

Getting Sober at a Young Age


Audio Version

I'm Deborah and I'm an alcoholic. I first came to AA when I was 25, got sober at 26 and at the time of writing this article I am 28. I had no way of comprehending how much my life would change for the better when I first came to AA. I have heard some stories of older members telling younger members that they haven't experienced enough and that they should go out until they are certain they belong in the rooms. Thankfully, this was not my experience. When I first showed up I was told "Itâ??s ok, you're safe here."

I looked very young so I got given a lot of pamphlets from well-meaning members who still thought I was in high school! Old timers would say things like "Youâ??re so lucky you got this so young. You have your whole life ahead of you!" But I didn't feel lucky at all. At that point I thought I had been ripped off because these other members had gotten sober in their 40's or 50's so they had had a lifetime of partying. I didn't understand then what I know now.

There are definitely some special challenges for people who come to AA in their early or mid-twenties. I am not saying it is easier or harder to get sober when you are young but I will say it is a different experience. One of the challenges I faced was the social pressure from my friends to continue to go out and drink. Being single I didn't have the responsibilities of being a partner or a parent. My friends could not accept my new way of life and that did sometimes impinge on social events. In your twenties you get invited to lots of weddings and I still find that a bit difficult but it doesn't bother me to go anymore because I am now more confident in my sobriety.

For a while I struggled with being the youngest (or second youngest) person in the rooms. Sometimes I couldn't identify with the stories about marriage or family life and sometimes I just wanted to be out having a social life like other folk my age.

One of the key things I have gradually been learning though is that sobriety is not about age. Today I now have friends who span several decades. I get a lot of wisdom from the older members and I enjoy having a cuppa or lunch with them after some meetings. I have learned that what is most important is the common bond of our sobriety rather than simply having shared interests. The primary focus is always recovery.

In the past two years I have begun thinking about the things that I want for my life. I never thought much about that before because I was such a people pleaser. I would just do what other people wanted or expected. Today I am considering furthering my education, gaining professional skills and hopefully starting a family. I think being young in sobriety has meant that I can finally learn how to have real relationships and friendships with people.

Looking back I can now truly appreciate that I was very lucky to get into sobriety so early on - just like they told me! I have completely reversed my ill health, I have made some lovely friends and I have also been able to give back by reaching out to newcomers who are as young as I was when I found AA.

Whether you are 17 or 71 there will always be a seat at the table and the kettle on.

Deborah

Spectrum Inverness