Random Acts Of Kindness
Audio Version 
Kindness is a gift seeking no reward or recognition. When I came to AA in early 1973 I now see that I was very broken, alone and confused but I could not see that at the time. I had no emotional language or understanding. I knew that I was hurting and angry but I tried not to show it because of the fear of even more rejection. Inevitably, with no alcohol to suppress these explosive emotions I found myself either depressed or having outbursts of anger or rage, mostly internal but occasionally aimed at and around others. I ‘could not control my emotional nature’. Guilt, shame and remorse drove me into times of isolation, avoiding my fellows and self-destruction.
I had no idea that this was the illness working me over, the isms without the alcohol. Thankfully others could see and understand my frustrations, people who knew their own illness and were treating it with our 12 Step Recovery Programme.
That’s where I met kindness. That’s where I began to see that kindness was an act of service to the still-suffering alcoholic, me! “Keep coming back” they would say, “Try to be a bit more gentle with yourself.” Our Programme, especially Step Four opened my eyes and I could see that all of my difficulties arose from my unresolved conflicts that continued to rage in my thoughts and emotions and that this ongoing wreckage had to be resolved and cleared. The service and kindness of sponsorship helped me navigate through some dark places and I came to realise that as my perspective changed so did my attitude, actions and motivations.
I was encouraged to join a group and do service. They trusted me to empty and clean the ash trays – there were a lot of ash trays in those days. I was then elevated to making the tea and doing the washing up. I was in a great panic when I was allowed to chair a meeting and eventually to find speakers. I was told that I had a voice at the group conscience. I was afraid to use it but with encouragement, in time it came. I’ve been in many groups over the years and had the great privilege of being involved in starting some new groups and I’ve always sought to show kindness to new members.
In time and as my interest in understanding how our Fellowship works grew, I went as a Group Service Representative (GSR) to intergroup and engaged in various service positions. All have been of great benefit to me in my own recovery. My introduction to our 12 Traditions opened a whole new world to me. I learned that they offered me the opportunity to grow in love and tolerance and to realise that we don’t always see things the same way and that perhaps some might have differing motivations from me. I have learned to trust our ultimate authority, our group conscience – even if I disagree with the outcome and perhaps the way that outcome was reached. This attitude helps me keep peace in my personal recovery. All things are in hands greater than mine and I don’t have to control others or outcomes.
The challenges and rewards of service, at all levels, are an ongoing education for my own growth and an opportunity to contribute along with other trusted servants to the carrying of our message to the still-suffering alcoholic and the sustainability of our Fellowship. I don’t see one act of kindness through service as being greater or lesser than any other since all contribute and all are valuable. Personalities differ in our Fellowship and certainly within service groups and I know that I can only attend to my part. I’ve grown up and perhaps toughened up in service. It has enhanced my primary purpose and given me focus.
There are no ash trays to empty or clean anymore but I would suggest that if a member takes a service position and learns to work through the inevitable fears and frustrations that come along, your acts of kindness, random or otherwise, might well lift you to a higher place. We are told in the twelve promises that we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows – and that has happened for me.
Charlie S
Grangemouth Morning Fellowship Saturday