My Great New Life
My Great New Life
I started drinking when I was 11 years old after my dad took his own life through alcoholism. I didn't know that at the time but I have learned that was the case since I joined the Fellowship.
I knew nothing about alcoholism when I came to AA. I didn't know about it being a three-fold illness (mental, physical and spiritual). I understand it a lot more today after doing what was suggested. That included: going to as many meetings as possible, getting myself a sponsor, joining a group and going through the 12 Step Programme.
I'm 32 years old and for years when I was drinking I thought that I was just a bad person on the drink. I thought no-one understood me because of the stuff that had happened in my life. I always made everything about me. The thought was always "Poor Darren. Everyone should feel sorry for me." I felt that I had the right to behave the way I did because Iā??d had a difficult past.
That was a lot of nonsense. I know now that I have an illness and can see how much it took over my life. My head was telling me to have a drink and then everything would be okay when really it just made everything 10 times worse. But my head would always get me to have another drink, telling me it would be different the next time. And was it? The answer is no. It only got worse, because alcoholism is a progressive illness.
I'm new in sobriety. I never could get past a few days without drinking and even then I was always thinking about when my next drink would be. I never thought I could live without alcohol and I especially didn't think I could be happy without it. Yet every day I've been sober, since about a week into my sobriety, I've been happy and am actually enjoying life.
I tried to take my own life recently and that wasn't the first time. I can honestly say I shouldn't be here so I believe someone or something was and is looking out for me. My life was definitely unmanageable so if I wanted my life to change I had to turn my will over to a Power greater than myself. At first I started praying to my dad because I had never believed in God but now I'm down on my knees every night and morning praying to God and my dad.
I have given myself fully to the Programme and in just 11 weeks my life is changing for the better. I'm moving into a new house in a few days. I got the ball rolling to start my own little business and I'm taking driving lessons. These are all things I would have had no chance of getting if I was still drinking. I know that for sure.
If anyone reading this is struggling with their drinking and wants the help of AA, I would suggest you get to plenty of meetings and get a sponsor - someone to whom you can talk openly and pour your heart out. You will realise you are not alone in how you feel. It helped lift a weight off my shoulders and I'm sure it will do the same for you if you are completely honest with yourself and grasp this Programme with both hands and don't let go. It works if you work it.
It's not all roses and I do have bad days like anyone else but this Programme gives me the tools to deal with life today. I can accept life on life's terms instead of trying to run the show and do it my way - look where that got me! I keep myself surrounded with sober people and I always have help when I need it, if I ask for it. I don't expect anyone else to do it for me because I need to want it for myself.
I'm so grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous for giving me a second chance at life. My family are all so proud of me for following this simple Programme and they are at peace today knowing that I'm sober and safe from the madness I would create on the drink. I thought at the start of my sobriety "What about the holidays or New Year without a drink or even when my granny one day passes away?" Now I don't have that problem because I haven't had the notion to drink since I came to the Fellowship.
I know if I lift that first drink then all bets are off and things will get a lot worse, not just for me but for my family and the people that are close to me. The number one rule for me: pick up the phone and not a drink.
Thanks to everyone who has helped me so far on my journey and I look forward to helping whoever I can in the future. Stay safe and stay sober people. Itā??s a great life if you want it.
Darren
Giffnock Friday Night