Resentments

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Going through the Steps with my sponsor I found I was a resentment looking for a character! I was just a bundle of resentments about what the world had done to me. I was full to overflowing with unresolved resentments and was looking to get even. My Fourth Step got me to put them all down on paper and see them for what they were. I became aware of the futility of having them in my life and saw how they blocked me from the 'Sunlight of the Spirit'. Working through the Steps helped me to deal with them, to put them to rest for once and for all. If I am working my Programme to the best of my ability I can keep on top of upcoming resentments and deal with them, should they arise.

I am not perfect. I can still let my emotions get the better of me. I can still feel bent out of shape at some real or perceived slight against my name or what I am trying to do in my AA life or outside in the muggle world where I am even less understood. I have tried to 'get even' with people. I can hold grudges and resentments against others that I am seemingly unwilling to look at, never mind become willing to deal with them.

There are people in AA I don't get along with and I have been maligned by others. Today, sometimes I can even pray for them if I am spiritually fit! I still don't need to like them or speak to them but I try to appreciate that they are doing their best with what they have. Plotting revenge on them for real or perceived wrongs only messes with my head, giving them rent free room there. Writing these things down, taking a step back and looking at them on the page helps me to help me.

All the best to you on your journey. Wherever it may take you, may your God go with you.

Love In Fellowship

Wullie

Ayr Wednesday